3.31.2005
some thoughts to ponder on
I'm afraid of changing because I've built my life around you.
One of the reasons why we are afraid to move on is because...we have spent a lot of time, effort and emotion in building our lives around something or someone, that if that something or someone fails us, or if the life we've built around it crumbles down, it's almost impossible to start a new one. And then we blame it on anything and anyone but ourselves...not on our inability to begin anew, and our failure to comprehend that all of these things are a part of life.
Our inability to accept.
The landslide brought it down.
---
Ok. So Kyo is not really disturbed.
And...all of his songs are love songs, disguised in the melody of gothic rock.
I can relate.
Love is an oxymoron.
And sometimes it's difficult not to drown in the depths of its darker side.
Love is the seed of hate.
Because hate results from loving too much and not being loved in return.
Reported @ 1:28 PM
3.29.2005
laruku and some insane list
Maybe it's just me. But I like laruku's old songs better than most of their new ones. They sound...better, with less effects, and more guitars and...well, more soul(just my opinion). Right now, I'm listening to their Heavenly album. I bought it from a Japanese specialty store for only 50 pesos. It's second hand though, but still in good condition, so it was a good purchase nonetheless. And it has been stuck in my cd player for about three months now. n_n' My personal favorite, of all their albums, is True...but now, I think that would change. I think I'm beginning to like Heavenly more than the latter. And the best track in the album has got to be track # 2, Vivid Colors. And I forgot to mention that both Hyde and Tetsu look younger and better off with long hair.hehe. =p
Anyway. On to other things.
I'm actually going to apply for a passport.
Haha. Yes, I have never been out of the country, but this year I might be able to go somewhere not included in our country's 7,000+ islands.
I'm going to be the one who'll pay for the fare though. Oh well. Now I'm going to have to save twice the amount I'm currently saving for...things I want to buy. I need an allowance raise! lol.XD
Now, for some stupid fun. Just because I'm feeling good.
You Know You're obsessed with a fictional character when....
1. You name every inanimate (and living) object in your house based on the name of said character
2. You write sappy fiction about said character and you do not give a damn even if your fics suck big time
3. You try (note: try) to dress as outrageously as said character. But you always end up looking more hideous than you intended to be.
4. You actually begin to act like said character. Which freaks out everyone in your household.
5. You smile when you see said character in his current anime/manga series. And then your knees turn to jelly and you scream nonstop afterwards.
6. Whenever you wake up in the morning and look at yourself at the mirror, you began to see said character. Because you're actually trying your best to look like said character. Which freaks out everyone in your household even more. Heck, even your pet dog/cat/hamster/insert whatever animal in here is afraid to look at you now.
7. You actually begin writing poetry. God Bless Shakespeare, and have mercy on whoever reads your poems.
8. You talk like said character. Even if all that the said character says is "Die." or "Die! Die! Die! *evil laugh*". And now you're one of the most wanted people in your district for dishing out death threats to everyone who comes across your path.
9. Your room looks like the room of a psycho-stalker. With the walls full of pictures of said character of course.
10. You begin to engage in cultic activities. Like magic and the forbidden arts. Just so you could make said character alive.
11. You scream "HE/SHE IS NOT JUST A FICTIOUS CHARACTER! *throws hissy fit* " everytime someone reminds you otherwise.
12. You adopt said character's surname. Even if said character doesn't have one.
13. You have a lifesize cardboard cutout of the said character standing at the doorway of your room, which acts sort of like a scarecrow, to ward off evil spirits from entering your room. Or your little brother/sister from messing with some of your stuff.
14. But of course, obsession wouldn't be complete without self-actualization. Which means you cosplay said character. Even if it means shaving off your eyebrows and wearing something very inappropriate for someone who always jumps around and fights bad guys (or good guys).
15. You have every merchandise imaginable to man that have said character on it. Key rings, plush toys, lunchbox, tissue paper, name it, and you probably have one (or is still in the process of ordering one). Yes, even underwear. And thus, said character have now become the epitome of monetary and merchadising evil. But you don't give a damn about that.
Making list is fun. And insane. Try making one, It'll take your mind off some stressful things, I swear.XD
Reported @ 12:51 PM
3.17.2005
...
Crucify
Tori Amos
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then i get afraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what god needs
One more victim
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Got a kick for a dog beggin' for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that i can have my cross
I know a cat named easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the brid
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Please be
Save me
I cry
Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day i crucify myself
Nothing i do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day i crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Why do we change
Crucify ourselves
Everyday
Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Everyday
---
I'm two points short of everything.
I'm always behind four steps.
The world is falling apart. Slowly.
And I'm going to hell.
So be it.
Face everything with a smile.
It'll be all over soon.
Two more days.
Reported @ 9:05 PM
Rant. (you have been warned)
On PC-related things:
This computer has been formatted for a record of three times for the past month. And well, I guess it needs reformatting again because there's something wrong with it again, this time another part of the OS is malfunctioning. I hope it won't crash first though, I hate it when that happens, considering our pcs always go boom on me when I need them the most. Someone lend me a new OS, preferrably Windows XP or 98. I don't care if the latter's already phased out, it's the most stable OS Microsoft has ever created.
On school-related things:
Stat is the bane of my existence.
But then, I haven't taken up accounting yet. And most of the higher batch said that accounting is sheer torture. So much for surviving the remaining years of my college life. Now I'm having second thoughts about the course that I took. Maybe I should have just sticked with the plan, took medicine and became a doctor. No use regretting actions taken in the past. What matters is the here and now, beacuse without it, there would be no future. But then again, my future's kind of bleak. My IQ's that of an average person, and I took a course whose math requirement exceeds my capacity. And to think that probably half of my brain cells have been eradicated by the sheer weight of trying to get thru all of my subjects. So don't be surprised if in the near future, you'll see me in Edsa in tattered clothes begging for alms. Or in Mandaluyong, wearing a nice, comfy, straight jacket.
On other things:
The other day, I had enough of my classmate whining about these and that. I had the urge to say, "I'd rather shoot myself dead than listen to you whine about pathetic things that do not concern the greater good of the whole damn world. If you won't mind, I'll make it easier for you...I'll gladly push you off this building, if you want." But it got me thinking. I have been whining about things for quite some time now as well. Things that doesn't concern the the greater good and glory of the whole human society. And I'm betting you'd rather shoot yourself dead as well than be reading this. I guess what I'm trying to do here is to apologize for being such a whiner. Yes, I do have a lot of problems, but everybody does have at least one anyway. I hate it when I tend to become what I hate the most. I'll end this here, I don't want to rant and whine about things any more than I should be, and I would like to keep all my troubles to myself. I don't want to drain the life out of you by complaining about how miserable my life is, because it really is not, only on certain days. And I don't want to sound like a sissy complaining all the time, and I would like to keep some of my thoughts and problems private. So there. I shall try no to rant all the time, because the world has probably enough whiners around for it to be miserable for the next century or so.
Reported @ 10:31 AM
3.16.2005
banner requests + icons
okay...so I made banners for both shallowcuts and J, with matching icons! :D Tell me if you don't like them though, I'll make another one. :)
Anyway, you can get them on my icon journal. Just click here. Thought I'd post them in there. Leave a comment so I know if you've taken them or not, of ir you want me to make improvements. ^_^;
Reported @ 11:34 AM
3.11.2005
Of Friendship and Love
The battle was over. At least for now.
The worse is yet to come.
And this time...he knew which side he's fighting on.
Standing up from where he was seated, on a grassy field somewhere in Konoha, Gaara looked up at the sky.
And reached out his hand to touch the kanji inscribed on his forehead.
Ai.
an excerpt from a Naruto fanfic I wrote. About...Gaara and his friendship with Naruto. What I think of how Gaara views him, anyway. A hint of shounen-ai.
Read the whole fic here. That is, if you want to.
Reported @ 8:48 PM
3.09.2005
support SasuNaru!
I made this banner myself. If you're a fan of the pair, then go click the pic, and get one for yourself. Available in a variety of colors.XD
PS
anyone has a good pic of Gaara and Naruto?
You know why.:D
my tagboard's messed up. I'm going to fix it when I have the time, sorry for the inconvenience.
Reported @ 2:44 PM
3.07.2005
um...
I make banners now.XD (and forum sigs. but they aren't that good. I'm just an amateur and I don't have the time to really study Photoshop)
I'm going to post them on my Icon journal, Iconographia. If you want to look at them, feel free to do so.(yes, I'm plugging the site. I admit that.XD)
Here's a sample:
To Grace:
I made one for you.:p check out my icon journal.
Btw, I accept requests. So if you want me to make one for you, don't hesitate to ask. :)
---
You're like a drug
Addicting. Intoxicating.
And yet...unable to cure me of this disease.
I take you in. The effect kicks in.
But it doesn't last for long.
Like our conversations.
Immediate.
And then, I find myself sick again.
Tired of taking the bitter medication over and over.
So much like your love.
How it's sweet. And how it turns sour within minutes.
Like bile.
Like tears.
Sweet. Sour. Salty. Bitter.
This blood red pill.
Blood red like your heart.
Beating for me, beating for me not.
You're like a drug.
I can't get you out of my system.
I need you yet I do not.
Addicting. Intoxicating.
So much so,
I feel the urge to swallow you over again.
No, this is not a poem. not really. just something I scribbled last night, while trying to avoid studying for Eco class.
Reported @ 7:05 PM
3.05.2005
ai
Made this with a newly downloaded GIF maker.
A testament to my current...obsession.
'nuff said.
Reported @ 7:29 PM
3.04.2005
still hanging on
Naruto seems to be the only thing keeping me sane right now.
And coffee.
Yes, yes, I know. I'm going to talk Naruto again. So yeah. Here's the warning: Fan Girl-ish raves. If you know what's good for you, then don't read this.XD
Can I scream now?
I wanted to do that since last Friday, when Gaara was abducted by the Akatsuki. I swear, I turned into this hyperactive worry-wart prancing around the house, silently cursing in my head and wanting to fly to Japan to confront Kishimoto-san for putting me in such an awkward state. Heck, I even freaked myself out, if you'd believe that.XD That coupled with a lot of stress from school, and I was short of making it to the mental hospital. Anyway, (spoilers! if you haven't read chapter 250, then don't blmae me for what you're going to find out. that is, if you're a Naruto fan as well) I got to read the raw version of 250 earlier(man, I'm getting good at katakana and hiragana. forget about kanji though. I'm hopeless.XD), and...yeah!!! Naruto, along with Sakura and Kakashi, are going to be sent to rescue Gaara. Is this the beginning of a new plot? *cough*
Ok. Serious now.
I'm thinking that Akatsuki's plan is to use Gaara as a weapon to get the to Naruto, without knowing what really is the deal with the two. And that will only be possible if Gaara would willingly agree. Under different circumstances(i.e. Gaara haven't changed after fighting with Naruto, or if Akatsuki got to him first before that life-changing incident), he probably will, but there are enough hints that Gaara is a changed man(er, boy). So...it's either they would force him to do what they want, brainwash him or something, or try to seal Gaara away and let Shukaku take control of the boy's body(I don't know how they can do that. Maybe they'd put Gaara to sleep by making some sort of eternal sleep jutsu. I have no idea.XD) And well, considering how...Gaara views Naruto,(admiration, probably. more than that...I'm not really sure. But a boy who wanted to be loved but never was loved, maybe...maybe it would be something deeper. Naruto gave him something that changed him greatly, and maybe that's enough for Gaara to...feel something more. Finally, someone...showed you what you have been searching for, and no matter how little that is that he has given you, you would cling to it. I would have, if I was him.) he probably would refuse to do anything for Akatsuki regarding concerning the blond and the kyuubi. Now, I don't want Gaara to...revert back to his old self. It's just...too much to bear. I adore his character completely, almost like he's alive, and I don't want him to be buried in the darkness forever. He's just a boy, for crying out loud. A boy whose whole life has been nothing but a tragedy. So yeah, right now I'm screaming inside my head, "Go Naruto! Save Gaara and kick some Akatsuki butt!!!".
Moving on to other matters.
Josh. I hope you're ok.
And to Beij and C...thanks for the concern, support and love.
And I do think J is happy now...
ain't you, Josh?
Right now, I'm beginning to sound like something I do not want to become but slowly turning into (a fangirl!). Might as well end this now. Ja ne.
P.S.
You might think this just came out of nowhere, but I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you guys, for being there for me, cheering me on and helping me to get back on my feet when I feel like giving up. I know I can be really neurotic at times, but nonetheless, thanks for putting up with me.
So until everything ends, I'm going to hang in here for a bit longer.
Again, my thanks. Aishiteru, you guys.
Reported @ 9:26 PM
3.03.2005
cross posting an entry from my other blog
I've updated my icon journal, Iconographia.
Anyway, here are some icon samplers.(no direct-linking, if ever you're going to use any of them. Yes, I know, this is just a shameless plug of my other journal.XD)
If you're interested in seeing the other icons I have made, just follow the link in my friends list. Or, you can click here.
Thanks.
Reported @ 5:32 PM
3.01.2005
simple and clean
(Simple and Clean is the title of the themesong from Kingdom Hearts, but it has nothing to do with this post...rather...the title for this entry simply describes my current layout...XD)
Layout change.
And shall I say, this is the "best" I have made so far.
Yes, I know, my blog has been existing for almost a year...but why is it only "version 4" in the banner, you ask?
Well, because this is only the fourth layout that I have created myself.
It's very...white. And simple. But I like it very much.
Anyway...I'll post a more meaningful entry next time.
Right now I have to study for our oral exams in Theology.
Wish me luck.
For Josh:
I'm glad you finally decided to..."quit it".
I'm worried about you.
And I don't want to see you...get hurt again.
Reported @ 9:39 PM
